Professional Business Writing - Short Example 3: Editing "Welcome 2009"

Text from original author:

All,

As I sit here and type this out it’s hard to grasp that 2008 is gone and 2009 is here and I might add in full force! I personally want to thank each and every one of you for all your professionalism, integrity and outstanding dedication to making YYYY and ZZZZZ a success! I know it’s hard at times to remain focused with rumors and the economic situation our Nation finds itself in. We need to remain steadfast and focused and no one can ask for more! 2009 will bring its challenges and its curve balls, but it will be an exciting ride once again. As I just wrote a note to today on Your ability to adjust to change, I was reminded of my military days when you had to Adapt, Conquer and Overcome any and all situations in order to remain on top and win! I see this in all of you every day! So bring on 2009 and all it has to offer, I’m ready are you? 

Edited composition:

All,

As I sit here and type this, it’s hard to grasp that 2008 is gone, and 2009 is here. And I might add, 2009 arrived in full force! I personally want to thank each and every one of you for your continued professionalism, integrity and outstanding dedication to making YYYY and ZZZZZ a success!

I know it’s hard at times to remain focused with the corporate rumors and the economic challenges we face as individuals and as a Nation. As a team, we need to remain steadfast and focused in our efforts in 2009. No one can ask for more!

2009 will bring its challenges and its curve balls, but the year will be another exciting ride once again. As I just wrote a note today on Your ability within YYYY to adjust to change, I was reminded of my military days. You had to Adapt, Conquer and Overcome any and all situations in order to remain on top and win! I see these same winning characteristics in all of you every day! So, I say, “Bring on 2009 and all it has to offer, I’m ready, are you?”  

Highlights:

For this short message, the colloquial style in the original made the message too informal for the author's purpose.

The objectives included keep the author's message, ensure his points were emphasized, make it more formal, yet keep it conversational.  

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