Professional Business Writing - Short Example 1: Editing "Welcome 2008"

Text from original author:

2008 is here and it seems that it came with a vengeance! When I take a moment and reflect on all our accomplishments from last year it almost gets overwhelming! I know that each and every one of you has and does an amazing job! The results of the companies’ performance for Q407 overall are disappointing; however I will point out that we did add 500k customers. You are all a big part of this, remember this. As we move forward into the New Year we are faced with new challenges, difficult choices and opportunities. These things we can not avoid, but rather we need to embrace them, as the saying goes "one door closes and two open”. We will take things on one at a time and we will ultimately change the way we go about business. Stay focused and don’t let the noise distract you. During the coming months I will be communicating our change and what our new strategy will be.

Edited composition:

2008 is here, and it seems to have arrived with a vengeance! When I take a moment to reflect on all of our accomplishments last year, it is almost overwhelming! I know that each and every one of you has done and continues to do an amazing job! Even though the overall results of the company’s performance for 4Q07 are disappointing, I will point out that we added 500,000 customers. Remember this: you are all a BIG part of the company’s revenue additions and retention.

As we move forward into the New Year, we are faced with changes - including new challenges, difficult choices and great opportunities. These changes cannot be avoided, but rather we need to meet and to embrace them. As the saying goes, “one door closes and two open”. We will open the doors of change and will ultimately transform and improve the way we do business.

In the meantime, stay focused and don’t let the noise distract you. During the coming weeks I will be communicating our changes and what our new strategy will be.

Highlights:

Notice how much of the original information remains in the edited version; yet the edited version flows and makes the author's main points stand out. 

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